Published in Legal Clinic Bar Ilan on 3/13/2020. Read original article here.
There are over half a million women in Israel with disabilities, some of them mothers. They are forced to prove their ability to be mothers and face contempt and hardship. “When I found out I was pregnant, I was shocked with joy,” says Ahlam Basharat, who faces discrimination every day.
Women with disabilities face severe discrimination, which puts them at a particularly low starting point, in almost all areas of life – health, relationships and sexuality, family and parenting, and vulnerability. This emerges from a new report that examined the advancement of the status of women with disabilities in Israel.
The report, written on the occasion of International Women’s Week, was launched by a rights organization, the Ruderman Foundation and the Clinic for the Rights of Persons with Disabilities in Bar Ilan, reviews the unique barriers of women with disabilities and offers solutions.
The women who participated in the project talked about an inaccessible health system that causes feelings of humiliation, difficulties in creating relationships and family life, questioning their sexuality, special vulnerabilities such as physical and sexual violence, and disparaging and suspicious treatment by professionals and the establishment. Mothers with disabilities have painted the health care system, which is not adapted for women with disabilities and they experience greater difficulties in their mothers.
The data emerging from the report reflect an alarming picture: 75% of women with disabilities responded that there are unique difficulties for women with disabilities. The survey indicated that the health care system is not adapted for women with disabilities at a level of severity to severity, with 29% testifying that women with disabilities are actually prevented from adopting children.
The family was afraid I would endanger myself while pregnant
Ahlam Basharat , a short woman and mother of three children (7,6,2) says that since she was born she was explained that she must know how to take care of herself: “Ever since I can remember myself, as a child, I was in a wheelchair. I was explained that I had an illness. “Where the bones are weak, and if I fall I can break them. At some point, about 15 years ago, I started telling myself I had to do and achieve more.”
How is this decision reflected?
“I decided I wanted to go with crutches. At first my dad and the doctors objected but I insisted. Later I thought I also wanted to live in a relationship, and indeed at 23 I knew my husband. From the beginning I explained to him that if we were together then his life would change, and in a negative direction. “It was not easy for us, but to his credit it should be said that he left the family, and the work and went after his heart.”
How was the decision made to become a mother?
“It was clear to me that I wanted to be a mother, and when I found out I was pregnant I was shocked with joy. The family, by the way, was afraid I would endanger myself because of the pregnancy. At first the doctor also said that because of my illness it was a problem. “I was told that my daughter had a knee problem, but I did not believe it. The whole family was really afraid that what the doctor said was true and only I was not. And really it was a normal pregnancy and everything was fine.”
What are the main challenges in coping daily as a woman and as a mother?
“It’s not easy. I get up every morning to prepare them for school, prepare food, etc. When they were little it also included dressing them in the morning, showers and other things a parent does. When any such activity is not simple. For example: I get on a chair To make coffee or to make food. To take something out of the closet I get on a chair, then on the counter. I know it’s dangerous. Any action is harder but I tell myself that my husband and family are not by my side all the time, and I have to deal. And that’s exactly what That I do. “
What reactions do you get from the environment?
“At first, when they see me say, ‘Oh, poor thing,’ they make me feel like I’m not a human being, like I’m an alien. In that case, I immediately introduce myself and say they will not be afraid of me. I explain to them that I am limited but I deal with everything. By the way, nowadays at school they already know me, but when my daughter was little, it happened that her friends saw me and laughed at me, and she was with them too, and laughed. I was very hurt. When she came home I told her I was her mother, I love her, and so I. The second they laughed, she said, “Stop it, this is my mom.”
How do you cope during the day-to-day?
I maintain positive and optimistic thinking, and tell myself I will do what I want. Today I work, run the municipal community center in the village, I have friends, I go to music classes and I am completely active. The secret is to love yourself as you are, and believe that you can live like any woman. In the end it does not matter what people think, It doesn’t matter what you think of yourself. “
Mandy Layton , chairman of a right-wing organization, a woman with physical disabilities and chronic pain and complex illnesses, an IDF invalid and mother of a child (10). Layton experiences the complexity of parenting on a daily basis. “If I don’t come for a while to pick up my daughter from school because I’m not feeling well or in hospital, I’m afraid someone will notice,” Layton says, “so for me parenting is the big challenge and the burden of proof is hard on parenting.”
Mandy’s story began while she was a soldier in the army: “I had walking fractures, I had knee surgery, and it became a syndrome of nerve pain,” Layton explains. “And the genetic disease has caused another disease. Today I sit in a wheelchair, suffering from excruciating pain 24 hours a day, and when I am sick a large part of the time including complex hospitalizations.”
What are the main challenges for you in coping daily as a woman and as a mother?
“As a woman, even though I’m in excruciating pain all the time I still have to justify, over and over again in front of the establishment, why I’m not working, and no matter that I’m volunteering full time all my life. By the way, as a woman with disabilities you have constant fear, on the system.
“My feeling is that no matter what my situation is, I, the system and society, are constantly expected to do everything. And the feeling is of a lack of understanding and loneliness in the face of the various systems.
“As a mother, my hospitalizations are the thing that most affect my daughter. For me another part of the challenges stems from my guilt, for not being with her, so even when I am not feeling well I make a considerable effort to be there for her. I feel I need to prove more Of all of me I am a capable mother, both mentally and physically present, which makes me a total mom.
“In addition, the physical disability is felt even more when we leave the house. There is a lack of accessibility in many places, and there are the views. For example: if I want to go down to the grocery store, with my daughter, without my spouse or caregiver, there are a number of inaccessible places. My chair. My feeling is that she should not worry about me but I her because I am the one who should be the responsible adult. . “Today the school she attends is accessible, so I can be involved in her life, and take part in every event.”
What reactions do you get from the environment?
“I believe that when children ask, and give them an explanation then they get everything and also their attitude after is simpler. In older society the attitude is more challenging. I feel tested all the time, both when I am alone and when I am with my daughter. For example: when I wanted to be pregnant the questions Of the company were around medical concerns, and at this point there were people who asked: how will you manage, how will you get the baby out of the crib, how will you take care of her, etc. I explained to everyone that everything has solutions, and these are usually simple, but the concerns are problematic. It must be noted that mothers give a bonus in the eyes of society. “
How is this reflected?
“I feel she was more judgmental towards me as a bachelor. When you are a mother the attitude of society is still different because you are ultimately a mother like everyone else. We came to the current school when my daughter was in first grade, at first I answered everyone why I was in a wheelchair, and from that moment Every time I come to school a lot of children run to me. I get amazing treatment from both the teachers and the parents. Until recently I served as the head of the parents’ committee at Keshet School in Jerusalem, and it took a long time until I shared about the hospitalizations Sometimes to help. “
How do you deal with everyday challenges?
“It is important for me to be not only the side that needs it, but to be the strong side. At the end of 1997 I started volunteering in the organization thanks to, and over the years I became a legislator in the Knesset. In terms of day-to-day coping my partner is very involved, and it affects our family life.I think the very fact that my daughter grew up with a mother with a disability creates in her a more natural compassion, she will notice a child standing at the entrance with crutches and she will go and open the door for him. She has a high social awareness in general, and she has an awareness for children and people with disabilities in particular.
“I think as a society we need to make a perceptual and systemic change, and do everything we can to enable women with disabilities to be mothers, to treat them as women and to have the right as an equal to every mother and wife. Society needs to start believing these women know what they are capable of Mothers then have a reason for it, and they can feel proud of themselves. “